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April 14th, 2005

05:19 pm
Okay, so I had the scariest déja vu experience ever today – because I actually remember when I dreamed it. So a few months ago I had this dream that I was in a class with my across-the-hall neighbor's boyfriend. And we were giving these presentations, and in the dream I didn't know what they were about but I remember him saying "and it continued on in the same way." That's all I remember anyone saying in my dream. I do remember though that I was going to have to present after him and in my dream I had forgotten all of my notes or that I had to do it at all or some other anxiety-dream type thing.
So this quarter he is in a class with me, but I mean that's not that weird, he's a History major, it's a History class. And it's based around oral presentations and we were both giving ours today. But again that's not so strange it's only a class of fourteen people so the odds were good. And I wasn't even thinking about the dream I had, it was way too long ago to remember immediately.
So we're sitting in class and he's giving his presentation on the Time of Troubles in Russia and discussing the new tsars and their tyranny and he says, guess what, "and it continued on in the same way" and then something else. But I wasn't really listening after that. Since it like WAS my dream. I thought I was going to faint; I actually got dizzy. It was insane.
I mean I've had deja vu, but never when I actually remember where or when I saw it and then the EXACT same thing actually happened.
And then my presentation sucked and the professor and everyone in the class things I'm some huge stupid ditz, and just how exactly am I supposed the interpret this?

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February 20th, 2005

11:37 am
Oh mon dieu.

Definitely drank over half a bottle of smirnoff. Definitely toasted to killing the bottle in one night, with just two of us drinking it. Definitely called the safe-ride/ride-share golf cart boy to take us to a party and then realized it was like ten people who we didn't know and made him drive us back home.

And then proceeded to lose my camera, cell phone, TREMENDOUS new sunglasses, and my purple shoes.

Oh fuck.

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January 20th, 2005

11:32 pm
Tonight, at approximately 11:20 pm PST, my breasts were aired to the world on none other than NBC News at Eleven.

Kind of liberating, in an I-never-have-to-wear-a-shirt-in-the-bay-area-ever-again kind of way.

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04:00 pm
My dear friends,
In recent weeks it seems the weather gods of the world have been trying to remind us all just how inferior we are to them, that no matter how much we go about destroying each other, they still win.
Thousands and thousands of people need help; their whole lives have washed away.
But what can you do? It's easy, but a calendar.
More specifically a nude calendar featuring a day in the life of Larkin, illustrious all-frosh Stanford dorm.
Look closely and you may even recognize Ms. July ;)

So if you feel inclined to donate ten dollars to tsunami relief, and get a lovely black and white calendar full of any pornographer's dream – voluntarily naked coeds – let me know. I'll hook you up.

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November 22nd, 2004

12:41 am
Today was such an intense day.

First I read a really depressing story for English.
Then I saw my friend Cori in Closer, and cried.
Then I went and saw Garden State, and cried some more.

I am so emotionally drained it's ridiculous.

Ack, but everything was so good.

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October 25th, 2004

06:43 pm
Is it bad to buy two pairs of $90 boots? I can't decide which one I want and one is backordered until December.
So, friends, look at them. Tell me which I want. Or both.

Yes. Look. Help me. (And maybe know that I just bought these boots two weeks ago: http://www.urbanoutfitters.com/shopping/product/detailmain.jsp?itemID=6049&itemType=PRODUCT&iMainCat=121&iSubCat=123&iProductID=6049 )
Hello, I am addicted.

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October 3rd, 2004

02:44 pm
San Francisco is wonderful.
Where else can you play in random vintage stores, find really good Thai food and a liquor store that doesn't id and has Transylvanian wine within a one block radius?
And I now know how to get from the Caltrain depot to downtown to Haight and back.

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September 28th, 2004

10:26 pm - The Return of GILES SCOTT!!
Okay so this morning I had my first lecture for my super cool Hemingway-centric English class and the prof MUST be from the same part of England as our (well Keerthi and my) beloved Giles Scott! It was incredibly exciting. Though sadly he was not so elfen/pucklike. But it's okay. The whole point of his class is the culture of the twenties and the four great writers of that decade (well and the thirties too). Can we say IDEAS FOR GATSBY PARTY? Yeah, I'm excited. I also went and picked up my last paycheck at Cheesecake today. So I now am $160 dollars richer even though I haven't worked in two weeks. I love it.
I really feel like going out. Like now.
And this weekend I REALLY want to go up to the city. Ack, I need to escape suburbia. Though not to the Stanford Mall again, that was just too too weird of an experience for me.

Um yeah, I've eaten more candy than anything else in the past week. Well that and liquored substances. Yay for college.

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September 27th, 2004

10:12 pm - Surrealism
Well, it's been a while since I wrote anything here. Hmm. So what to say? I started classes today. It wasn't too bad. And it kind of stopped the odd summer camp feeling I had all last week. I guess doing cheers and having banners kind of lends itself to summer campishness. So yeah, things are going along well.
There are actually a lot of cool people in my hall. My roommate, Laura, is SUPER nice and she's the goalie for the lacrosse team which is AWESOME because she must be HELLA good (speaking of hella, everyone always laughs at me when I say that, I guess it really is a California thing). There's a girl, Katherine, down the hall from me who is super super chill. She and I get along really well. Then there are the boys. Ah, the boys. Not in any sort of potential hookup way, but just boys as good friends. Like the phenomenon Keerthi experienced for a bit. I have good guy friends. Yay. And one of them, Chris (well actually there are two Chris's who are both super chill, but whatever, this Chris) is the cutest thing ever. He was talking to his boyfriend one night and I was chilling in his room so he made me talk to him and first it was cute b/c his boyfriend Jon was all "You watch out for him, Carla" and then the whole time I was on the phone Chris was sitting there BEAMING. It was the cutest thing ever. Then of course, also with Chris, there is the ABSOLUTELY BLATANT flirting between him and our RA, who lives next to him. It's very interesting.
Oh, and if it will make you two feel better I actually, finally, got out and got more than tipsy. I think I was flirting with a guy and a girl at the same time. It was amusing. And I did it without drinking any beer, hah. I just had rum, straight and in coke, and a hard lemonade and bacardi O. So not vodka, but better than nothing. I need to stock my room though.
Also, I got talked into trying out for Gaieties. I think I'm going to sing Sugar Daddy, because it's sexual and funny and I think that's what they want. It should be interesting.
Hmm, what else drama?
Oh yeah, I met this guy George, who also lives down the hall by Chris and Josh the RA. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I have the hugest crush on him. I mean he's cute. In a very Mikhail Baryshnikov/ Aleksei Nemov with longer hair way. Yeah, so nice and slavicly attractive. And he has a really good body: skinny because he's a theater boy but surprisingly muscular (like his shoulders are like rocks, I swear).
But whatever, after a week he and I are already on the way to having the weirdest friendship, ever. Basically we do a lot of stuff together and hang out a lot, but barely talk to each other while we're together. Like we're both really loud and flirty with everyone else, but not each other. C'est très bizarre. But it's not like awkward silence, just like we don't really have anything to say. And I find myself always talking really quietly to him. It's odd. But whatever.

Hmm, what else? Oh YES. I have the most exciting sounding class EVER tomorrow. It's an English course that I'm taking on top of the intro to Humanities thing that all Freshman take some section of. It's called Hemingway, Hurston, Faulkner, and Fitzgerald. HEMINGWAY. HURSTON. FITZGERALD. Only three of my favorite authors EVER. And we're spending the most time on Hemingway. Like we do two weeks on him like all the others, and then at the end we go back and do ANOTHER week on him. And it shouldn't be too hard because all the books are good so reading won't be bad and there are only four short (4-5 page) papers all quarter. And no final exam. I am SO excited. And I think I might be one of the only freshmen in the class, since most people don't take English on top of IHUM. So that will be cool too. Ack, I am SO excited. Nerdy, yes, but I think it's justified. That class and my stage makeup class are going to be so cool. God knows what I'll do with my life but I'll be well read and able to apply makeup. I figure I can have a few quarters not knowing what I'm majoring in and just taking random classes. Right? Well, right or not, I don't care, that's what I'm doing.

I miss you all! Send me mail, I haven't gotten any and whenever I go with someone to check they have mail and I don't, it's so sad, hah.
So yeah, send me stuff!
P.O. Box 13710
Stanford, CA 94309
MWAH!! to everyone.

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July 27th, 2004

12:10 am
Bitterness is such a funny emotion. Actually I'm not sure that it's really even an emotion. Emotions tend to move you in one direction or another, bitterness is fairly stagnant. Well, I guess, really, it has to be; it is by definition the act of clinging on to something that is quite over with and refusing to move on from how it made you feel in that moment.
It's also odd how bitterness and loyalty go together, and also clash. Maybe I am just saying this because I spent the night at a ball game and so had a sweeping view of both, but it strikes me as interesting how bitterness is both the result of undying loyalty to something or someone you hold dear, and also the angry reaction to someone else's loyalties or affections. Another human hypocrisy that no one seems to really break from.
Though breaking from it might be bad. As much as we hope for a world without war and hate and spite and bitterness, such a world might not really work. Not that we shouldn't stop the genocide and oppression that riddle the world – because most of those situations are within countries and at the hands of dictators. And dictators are, generally, bad. Though under some countries do prosper, like Tito. But generally a dictator equals a bad idea.
That said without any war in the world, which is, in essence, international competition on a political and militarial level, the world would have to be under the hand of a dictator, or dictatorial commune. And we've seen that communism really doesn't work on a large scale.

This was a rather reaching post. But I will say that bitterness is a peculiar entity, as are those that cling to it. It causes so many problems in the worlds of people, both large scale and withing smaller circles. Bitterness is in that same circle as genocide and oppresion – as those are the evil manifestations of international competition, bitterness is the hidden side of loyalty. Ugly things that can't ever be truly eradicated because they are always combined with those necessary goods.

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